>I’m DRUNK, and right now I’m so in love with YOU! (Olof Dreijer can’t remix for shit)

>I’m serious. I AM drunk. It’s not like, ‘oh, I just had a couple shots and I’m feeling happier than I should, hehe.’ No, I am really drunk. Can’t-walk-a-straight-line drunk. Shame.

One of the things I love about my lame self is that, no matter how inebriated, I still possess the quality of typing in a rather normal fashion, and it just so happens that I always feel like writing when I’m drunk. Oh hey, just because I can type like I’m (mostly) sober, doesn’t mean I will write the same way. Hell, I don’t even write like I’m sober when I am sober!

Well, if it’s of anyone’s concern, I’m not drunk because I have problems, as I have come to realize people associate drunk with problems, and that’s the last thing I would do. Honestly, I might be as immature as my nine-month-old puppy, but I am not the type to resort to alcohol when things get rough. I’d be an alcoholic by now, and trust me, I am not. Nevertheless, I am very willing to share a few drinks with whomever I can (and whomever is willing to pay for them ), and not necessarily because there’s trouble in the horizon. Why can’t we celebrate the fact that we’re chicks? Or dudes? Whatever, I bet I can find a dozen reasons for celebration in less than a minute.

Well, not really, because let’s be honest, life does suck. Yeah. Mine does, but I’m not complaining. Or maybe I am, but in the form of drinking. Haha, whateverrrrr, I’m drunk, I don’t even know what I’m trying to get at here. Oh yeah, yesterday we clubbed like there was no tomorrow (which there actually was because that was yesterday and… doh!) celebrating my friend Gia’s 22nd birthday. For the record, just because we all wore black dresses last night does NOT mean we were sad that you’re old, Gia. But yes, you are old. Older than me, obviously, and that makes me love you even more, Mother Chewbacca! I do love you, ok? Even when you have your first-grader fits and your bitch fits and your nerd fits and even when you don’t want to share your tea with us or go out with Grecia or go on a date with Mr. Albino to make us all happy. HAPPY BIRTHDAY GIA!!!!!!!

Ok, so it’s my friend’s birthday, and I got a big bruise on my knee from when I tripped and fell outside the club with Lisette (don’t ask), and LOL, even as drunk as I (and Lisette… haha, you don’t fool me, midget, you were drunk!) was, the two of us managed to walk the extremely dangerous streets of the city at three AM and wound up at a cool shawarma place, where we ate, talked shit and got a cab home. That was pretty impressive, we walked a full two blocks, man! Oh wow… That deserves a toast. And a playlist. Yeah, another playlist.

Let’s do something different this time, shall we?

So, just a minute ago I was listening to Neutral Milk Hotel’s depressingly brilliant Oh, Comely, and in my drunken haze, I realized that it is a fucking long song. Damn, over eight minutes of depression. And as I was trying my hardest not to cry out the ‘oh comely’s’ and the rest of the (creepy) lyrics, I felt the curiosity to find out what kind of long tunes I had on my iTunes. What I found surprised me, in a good way. Sort of.

THE TWENTY LONGEST TRACKS ON MY iTunes LIBRARY

1. Godspeed You! Black Emperor – Providence (29:02)
2. Can – Halleluhwah (18:28)
3. Godspeed You! Black Emperor – East Hastings (17:49)
4. Nine Inch Nails – Me, I’m Not (Olof Dreijer) (14:01)
5. The Decemberists – The Island (12:43)
6. King Crimson – Moonchild (12:13)
7. Jane’s Addiction – Three Days (10:48)
8. Television – Marquee Moon (10:40)
9. Tool – Pushit (9:56)
10. Nine Inch Nails – Self Destruction, Final (9:53)
11. Bauhaus – Bela Lugosi’s Dead (9:36)
12. Lydia Lunch & Rowland S. Howard – Black Juju (9:21)
13. Nine Inch Nails – Wish (J.G. Thirlwell) (9:10)
14. Slint – Washer (8:49)
15. Sisters of Mercy – Lucretia My Reflection (8:44)
16. King Crimson – Epitaph (8:43)
17. Nine Inch Nails – Reptilian (8:40)
18. The Shipping News – Quiet Victories (8:34)
19. Led Zeppelin – Kashmir (8:32)
20. Felt – The Stagnant Pool (8:32)

As you can see above, the list is laden with NIN remixes made by stuck up people who just took it upon themselves to bore us fans to death. No, I’m kidding, I love those remixes. Well, except for that Olof Dreijer one. I don’t get it. But it must make sense, in Trent’s head at least. Then there’s a lot of progressive, and I already gave my opinion on prog rock on the previous post, so there’s no need to further the point that PROG ROCK IS TEDIOUSLY LONG!!! There’s also some goth in a lesser amount and some experimental stuff, and for the most part, I think those songs could use a little cutting. I don’t mean they’re bad, not at all. Well, except for that Olof Dreijer remix. Oh, and Moonchild, but then again, I already expressed my views regarding that song. I simply think these songs are too show-offish and… being a person with the attention span of a three-year-old, it’s hard for me to remain connected to the song the whole time. Having said that, I think those Godspeed You! Black Emperor tunes are so good it’s scary. Moving on…

In turn, here’s what I found when I turned the tables:

THE TWENTY shortest TRACKS ON MY iTunes LIBRARY

1. Big Black – Bombastic Intro (0:35)
2. Nine Inch Nails – Pinion (1:03)
3. Ex Models – Girlfriend is Worse (1:03)
4. Nine Inch Nails – A Violet Fluid (1:04)
5. Todd Rundgren – Rock & Roll Pussy (1:08)
6. Sebadoh – God Told Me (1:09)
7. Nine Inch Nails – Eraser (Polite) (1:16)
8. The KLF – Trancentral Lost in My Mind (1:16)
9. Clap Your Hands Say Yeah – Blue Turning Gray (1:17)
10. Coil – Clap (1:18)
11. Dead Can Dance – Echolalia (1:19)
12. Scratch Acid – Monsters (1:19)
13. Squarepusher – Tommib (1:21)
14. Nine Inch Nails – 999,999 (1:25)
15. The KLF – Rock Radio into the Nineties and Beyond (1:27)
16. Bikini Kill – Carnival (1:29)
17. Crystal Castles – Dolls (1:30)
18. Nine Inch Nails – Big Man With a Gun (1:36)
19. Erase Errata – Delivery (1:37)
20. The Kills – M.E.X.I.C.O. (1:37)

You all probably realized that this is a much more exciting list, made up predominantly of NIN remixes, instrumentals and Big Man With a Gun. Damn, when will I ever make a NIN-free playlist! There’s also a lot of electronic and noise, and that’s basically the bulk of it. My point here is, why make such long, pompous epics when you can make a perfectly great short, straight-to-the-point song? Call me stupid, ignorant, musically challenged if you may, but think about this: would you rather have a slow, painful but elaborate death, or a quick one that gets the job done without much of a fuss? Not a good analogy, but this is how I see it.

Anyway, I’m not drunk anymore, I just wanna sleep now, and then wake up, drink three gallons of water, and get the black, Alice Cooper-like makeup off of my eyes. But thanks for sticking by!

(Did you notice I just rambled completely off-point about music and long shit and prog rock and short songs when I was supposed to make a playlist about Gia’s glorious birthday??? God, I’m awesome!)

Listening to: Bauhaus – Who Killed Mr. Moonlight
Eating: Hmm, does chewing gum count?
Drinking: Chocolate milk

One thought on “>I’m DRUNK, and right now I’m so in love with YOU! (Olof Dreijer can’t remix for shit)

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