>… Should GET OFF THEIR ASSES AND PUT OUT SOME NEW MUSIC ASAP!
Interpol: Nope, that Paul Banks solo album doesn’t count. Chances are, if the new album ever gets made, it’s gonna blow chunks, but I just need to hear it.
Arcade Fire: They released a DVD this year, but no new music. They need to make the album that will bring John Peel back from the dead, and they gotta make it quick.
Massive Attack: Have been working on a supposed new album for centuries… *yawn*.
Nine Inch Nails: Trent HAS GOT TO fucking make a new Fragile-esque album to redeem himself and get back all the fans he has lost. I expect nothing short of stellar, Year Zero-like at the very least. If it’s like With Teeth, that’s it, I’m joining the Manson Army.
My Bloody Valentine: What the fuck, I can’t even keep track of what these dudes are up to. So they reunited, right? And there was a new album in the making, right? So where the fuck is it?
UNKLE: I totally digged (dug? dugged?) the new formula these peeps applied on 2007’s War Stories, and they need to repeat it every year. Hell, they should release albums like that every month.
Atari Teenage Riot: Yes, I know they’re no more. But wouldn’t it be nice?
The Rapture: They’re just too good to retire yet. I know that with the indie invasion currently taking place in the hipster world, these guys might have already gone out of business, but for what it’s worth, they’re still my hipster new wave/funk band of choice *hugs*.
White Rose Movement: These dudes have also been working on an “as-of-yet-unnamed” new album since ’06, which IMHO is code for “there’s no album per se yet but we’ll get right to it as soon as the hangover wears out”. Haha, who would have thought rockstars would be worse procrastinators than I am?
The Knife: I mean THE KNIFE, beautiful, sweet Karin Dreijer Andersson and her stupid brother Olof making creepy computer music with funny Scandinavian accents, not just one or the other crapping records that critics like to call “Knife-ish ‘with an edge'”. This being said, I loved Karin Dreijer’s sans-Olof effort Fever Ray. It’s good, yes, but it’s not the same.
M.I.A.: … On second thought, I heard she’s been hanging out with Christina Aguilera and Timbaland. Methinks, if the follow-up to 2007’s wonderful Kala ever comes out, it’s gonna have Will.I.Am in it and we do NOT want that.
Desert Sessions: I hate to say this, but Josh Homme rocks the motherfucking house in the Desert Sessions. Perhaps all the crusty stoner/slacker dudes that were ever a part of this collective could get back together and make one final volume? Pretty please? I doubt Jeordie White is doing anything remarkable right now. Oh, speaking of, Goon Moon also needs to put out new shit. And White needs to just shower.
The Dresden Dolls: I know Amanda Palmer has her solo shit going on and is shacking up with Neil Gaiman himself, but dude, what about Brian Viglione? I bet he’s got bills to pay.
The Jesus and Mary Chain: Currently working on a new album. They need to go back to 1986 and make another Psychocandy, only completely different and more like Darklands… if that makes any sense.
Neutral Milk Hotel: Seriously, angels would cry with joy of they ever release new music.
Radiohead: Because In Rainbows was underwhelming. I heard somewhere in the Twitterverse there’s a new Radiohead song spreading through the interwebs like the swine flu. Ok, so technically, Radiohead does not belong on this list. However, if this new track is an In Rainbows outtake, I’m calling bullshit on it, disqualifying it and keeping Radiohead on the list.
A Perfect Circle: Another Jeordie White project that needs to get back to life. One song would suffice, just fucking one!
Dead Can Dance: *sigh* Not happening, not in a million years.
Godspeed You! Black Emperor: What’s their status anyway? Dead? Hiatus? Alive? Stoned out of their minds? What the hell, dudes?
Autolux: Ok, so they released the Audience No. 2 single from their highly anticipated second album Transit Transit like a million years ago and still, I have yet to see the rest of the album! I even forgot there’s an Autolux album “in production”!
Blonde Redhead: They are kind of out of the radar these days. Hopefully that means they’re churning out some amazing new record that will bring the new Yeah Yeah Yeahs to its knees!
M83: Because albums like last year’s Saturdays=Youth should come out every year.
So all y’all, please quit fucking around and get to work! The world needs you! There’s new Jonas Brothers and Katy Perry albums being made by the hour!