>Oh Dear God, It’s Out!

>How to Destroy Angels, the new musical project by former NIN megalomaniac Trent Reznor, and his bitches Mariqueen Maandig (Maandig-Reznor, in case we all forget she’s the dude’s wife) and Atticus Ross, released its debut EP for free on June 1^st. Being the obsessive HTDA fangirl that I am, I actually waited up until 12 am on the first day of June to get my copy of the first installment of the “unstoppable force of greatness”, aka Trent Reznor’s new non NIN-related, NIN-sounding project. You know me, I just can’t resist a piece of outstanding new music. Naturally, like I’ve done for the last couple of years since I started this stupid blog, my first instinct upon finding such poignant piece of artistry was writing books worth of praise about it. Because that’s the least it deserves.

However, due to the unfortunate fact that I am a terrible, highly inappropriate person, I will not do so. Instead, I will proceed to be a horrible bitch and give the album the internet equivalent to a million wedgies. Not because I want to, or because it deserves it, but because I suck.

(From Wikipedia)

No.	Title	Length
1.	“The Space in Between”	3:35
2.	“Parasite”	5:05
3.	“Fur Lined”	4:00
4.	“BBB”	3:31
5.	“The Believers”	5:36
6.	“A Drowning”	7:04

First off, I think I should thank Trent Reznor for giving us all the chance to listen to his unstoppable new EP for free, because he is so generous and thinks about his poor, unfortunate fans who could not afford his new music (even though we all know it’s priceless). Thanks to Trent’s giving personality, I was able to download the HTDA EP in high quality and with pretty color artwork and didn’t pay a cent for it. He definitely saved me the hassle of looking it up on Filestube, so thank you again, Mr. Reznor, for saving me 30 seconds of my precious time.

Ok, let’s get a little serious here. Remember what I said about the HTDA EP on this blog post? Well, I am so happy to announce that no retractions will ever be written, because, as always, I was right; which is excellent because I don’t like being wrong. The EP turned out EXACTLY like I thought it would. Ahem, I hate to say this but IT SUCKS!!! IT SUCKS AS MUCH DICK AS KIM KARDASHIAN AND PARIS HILTON TOGETHER! *does victory dance*

Okay, okay, we’re being serious, remember? While I admit HTDA is about as bad as summer school, I guess I’m not surprised it sucked. Maybe because my expectations were pretty low already before the EP came out. There are worse things than summer school, like watching your parents having sex. Maybe it’s not that the EP necessarily sucks, but that I’m used to different, more creative stuff from Trent Reznor. Not saying that the dude hasn’t made a faux pas in his 21 year-long career, ever; but rather that even his worst was at least decent. For comparison, give With Teeth a spin, and then listen to HTDA. You’ll find that even Getting Smaller has more substance than the whole EP together.

I’m not going to make up some flowery Pitchfork-esque review, because I’m not a pretentious asshole and don’t have enough time to devote to Trent Reznor anymore, so I’ll just be honest and as blunt as ever. This sounds like NIN scraps with tedious autotuned vocals and butthurt lyrics. Whoever says that’s not true can suck it. I know I already talked about the NIN comparisons, but it’s hard not to think about them when every single song sounds like a remix of a previously released NIN song. Being a NIN fan, I should be happy about that, but I think fans deserve a little more respect than that if they’re going to be introduced to music they’ll potentially buy. Especially since THIS IS NOT NIN!

I don’t want to be mean, though. That is so not my purpose in life (lol, it actually is). There are few elements in the EP that I’ve grown to enjoy, not because they display talent or range, but simply because they’ve “grown on me”. Last night, while giving HTDA a good thorough listen in order to review it, I mentioned to my boyfriend that I was starting to like the opening bars to “The Space in Between”, much to his dismay. He thinks that beat almost as annoying as the vocals, but surprisingly, I sort of like it, for the first 10 seconds. I suppose that is because it reminds me of one my favorite songs, nearLY’s “All Is Lost”. Just then I realized this song really tries to emulate the mood evoked by the aforementioned song, but fails, miserably. Furthermore, if we note the fact that the vocals for “All Is Lost” are performed by Claude Sarne, wife of HTDA “member” Atticus Ross, and that Mariqueen’s voice tries really hard to imitate Sarne’s in this song, the comparisons become a little more apparent. Ripoff number one. I also almost enjoyed the song “Parasite”, because the intro drumming sounded pretty cool. Then I realized it sounds a lot like “The Beginning of the End” from Year Zero, which in turn, ahem, borrows heavily from The Knack’s 1979’s hit song “My Sharona”. Ripoff number two. I could keep at this forever.

Three songs in, and I’m starting to get bored and, quite honestly, a little pissed off. I haven’t really mentioned Mariqueen Reznor’s involvement in this EP yet because I didn’t want to come off as a jealous, hateful bitch, but I am morally bound to now, because I just cannot let another abomination like “Fur Lined” be produced ever again. Whoever thinks this woman can sing is probably in dire need of a CAT scan. My dog’s barks sound better than her voice. This song, in particular, displays just how fucking annoying her voice can be. At least she was trying a little in the two previous tracks. This song takes elements from “Only” from With Teeth, “Echoplex” and “Discipline” from The Slip, and that’s about the most interesting thing you can say about it. Lyrically, all three songs sound like a 13 year old Brokencyde fan riding the shortbus wrote them. Then, I would have no reason to bitch because we all know being a Brokencyde fan fucks up your brain to the point of total and complete destruction, but I’m sure neither Trent nor Mariqueen (I’m going to assume “Fur Lined” was written by Mariqueen, since that’s what Trent wants us all to believe, and this song isn’t as emo as “A Drowning” or “The Space in Between”) are into crunkcore. Though maybe they are, in which case, I should offer them my sincerest apologies.

Fourth song: “BBB”. Another gem I’m sure was written by Mariqueen. Who else but a shoe-aholic would write so eloquently about boots? Big Black Boots, to be precise. I really dislike this song. I imagine this is some crappy Year Zero outtake that Trent left behind because he knew better back then, that he pulled out of the crappy YZ outtakes folder on his Mac, and then (Mariqueen) added that line about the boots for extra impact. Well, someone should tell them that Year Zero is so ’07 now and that Art is Resistance bullshit is so passé. If they thought this song would be the new “Hyperpower!”, they should have noticed “Hyperpower!”had no dumb lyrics, and that’s what made it so good.

“The Believers”, or “The Kiddie Marimba Song”, like I call it, is the third “single” from the EP, and it was the first song to really make me want to flog someone with a broomstick. Of all the six songs, this is the most unoriginal one, which really sucks cause it boasts a reputation for being innovative and original and funky. Braaaaahhhhhhhhh! Ghosts references all over it, a raped and taken apart “The Greater Good” most clearly on display under layers of Nintendo sounds and breathy, uninteresting vocals is what this song has to offer as far as innovation. News flash, Reznor: You already did that whole Nintendo thing in “The Great Destroyer”, and the only reason it worked there is because the music was worth more than five cents, and your voice doesn’t suck.

I’m not even gonna comment on the last song, because I already gave my opinion about it and it hasn’t changed one bit. If anything, I now have way harsher things to say about it, but I won’t because I am nice. Instead, I’m going to leave you with the first video ever by HTDA, “The Space in Between”.

See how Trent is, like, rubbing his awesome wife in our faces? Because apparently, it doesn’t matter how awesome HE thinks she is (which we all know he does), if the world doesn’t buy it, he won’t be happy. Such a mature point of view.

I think, instead of trying to convince the world that his wife is talented by writing lyrics and giving her credit for them, making her play the unbelievably easy synth parts in all the songs and putting her in the foreground in every promo shot, Trent Reznor should just give up and take a break or go back to Nine Inch Nails. I bet we’d have been a little more forgiving about this entire clusterfuck if it’d been released as NIN, with no agenda, no pretentiousness or fanfare. Just give up, Trent. We all know she’s just as bad as we all thought she was at the beginning, no need to start a new band just to showcase her (non-existent) musical ability.

Fuck this shit, I’m gonna listen to some Joy Division to see if I can undo the damage I’ve inflicted upon my ears. Or maybe I should listen to some Brokencyde. Hmmm…

—————-
Now playing: Terranova – No Peace
via FoxyTunes