As a citizen of the glorious nation of Ecuador, I have always been amazed at our astounding ability to suck copious amounts of dick at pretty much everything under the sun. Seriously, I think we’re one of the biggest losers in the world. We have a joke of a government, corruption levels here are among the highest in the world, we are one of the smallest countries in all of the Americas, crime here is as common as taking a shower or brushing one’s teeth, we suck at sports… Hah, the list of failed accomplishments attributed to this country really is long.
Until a certain report came out.
A few weeks ago, we were bombarded with the news that Ecuador is the second largest country as far as penis sizes in the entire world. According to the study, we’re second in the world only to Congo, with a veeery slight difference only. Of course, we can’t be one hundred percent sure this is true, as the study provided no data for most African nations (where we all know the meat is, ha), but one thing is for certain: Ecuador is the largest country by penis size in America.
Let’s see the data in question, shall we?
This is the data provided for Congo:
By comparison, this is the data provided for Ecuador:
Not really a big difference, right?
Now, if we go a little farther to the East, we will stumble upon this tiny surprise:
This study brought along heaps of male pride and blatant patriotism. Exactly what this backwards, male-centered country needs: more cocky, self-righteous, nationalistic men. This seriously became the talk of the town when it came out a few weeks ago, but I was too busy not doing anything worthwhile to write about it until today. And the reason I’m talking about this today is, simply, that I have a little piece of advice for my fellow Ecuadorians:
GET THE FUCK OVER IT!
And I mean that with all the respect your penises deserve. While I do not doubt you guys have the biggest penises in the entire world and the galaxy and beyond, it’s a little annoying to keep hearing about your unbelievable length and girth and shit. You should go show it to your women instead, and shut the fuck up.
Anyway, just wanted to shed some light on the fact that, for the first time in our history, we rule. On penis sizes, no less. I guess I should consider myself a lucky woman, cause I live in a well-endowed country and stuff. I don’t know, it’s bittersweet. The price to pay for the enormous penis is the unlimited bragging rights and unnecessary ego boost this study has given our wonderful Ecuadorian men. Joy.