Here’s a Funny Story…

Hah, of all the weird shit that’s been going on lately, this is definitely a winner.

A few decades ago, my grandfather was birthed, becoming his parents’ firstborn. His father was an asshole with no principles or respect for women whatsoever – very common trait among Ecuadorian men, hah – and decided, a few years after my grandfather was born, that he didn’t want to be a father anymore. Not to my grandpa anyway. So he went to the city clerk at whatever god forsaken town they lived in, and paid the officials some money to erase his name from all documentation stating that he was my grandfather’s father. Cause that’s what assholes do here. Then he went on and had more kids with my grandfather’s mom, and his aunt, and some other women, reiterating the fact that he was, indeed, one nasty piece of shit, with every breath he took.

My grandfather never found out about this, and moved out of that hellish town as soon as he could. He settled in the nearest city, met my grandmother, and whatever else happened, I guess you can assume it. Together they moved down here, which is pretty far from the highlands where they both originated. They lived horrible lives full of bullshit, cause being a piece of shit ran in the family. My grandpa, as expected, was an asshole as well. But at least he had a name – a name that he gave to all his five fucking children, my mother included.

Years passed, and my asshole grandfather died, ending an era of crappy treatment and misery in my family. He died with his full name as it had always been, because life is easy to people who don’t give a shit.

Fast forward to today’s time. My aunt lost her wallet and had to go through the painful process of getting back all her documentation. The first and most important document to get was her identification card. When she went to the city’s civil registry, she came upon the startling revelation that she had no name.

:O

Turns out, in an effort to put some order in this country’s messy civil registration system, the government took it upon itself to dig out all the crap that existed, and put it in a computer database. Yes, all the shit that was in paper, rotting away in the cobweb-filled racks of every city clerk’s office in every rat-infested town in this glorious country, it’s all in a dandy computer system now. That includes my great-grandfather’s asshole move of removing his name from my grandfather’s birth certificate, which, naturally, passed on to his children. My aunt.

So, proving that there is no God whatsoever in this world, the evil civil registry people proceeded to annull all of my aunt’s documentation, considering her a non-citizen, sort of. Meaning that all her bank accounts are frozen, her credit cards are not valid, and everything with her name on it is considered null.

Now, look at that.

The issue is still unresolved. My aunt is still gathering up some paperwork to take it to the civil registry and maybe, if she’s lucky, and has enough money to bribe those motherfuckers, they’ll be able to help her. What worries me now is, what’s gonna happen when her sisters and brothers have to get new documents? There’s a new decree saying that every Ecuadorian citizen needs to have the new government ID card (one that comes with a cute chip that has all your life in it, apparently) by 2013. So, basically, what’s gonna happen when my mother has to get that new ID? And, since here we’re very fond of our mothers, and we all have two last names here, what’s gonna happen when I have to get the new ID? Will that mean that I’ll no longer be my mother’s daughter, and my mom will not have a father?

What the fuck.

This is an unfair situation. My grandfather is dead, he can’t even fix this. And even if somehow there was a way he could, his father is dead too. Whatever they did, it’s not our fault. Whatever they fucking did, it’s the civil registry’s fault, but they can’t just all of a sudden say you’re no longer a citizen cause some bastard decided he didn’t want to be a father anymore, and THEY fucked up and never made it effective.

You know what? It’s times like these when I feel completely entitled to say “fuck my life”.

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